Where has the time gone.

I fully remember finishing grade 8 and making a pact with two of my best guy friends that we would always remain friends. Sad to say that I lost touch with one of them, yet still have the other.

I fully remember starting high school and giving up socializing for math help. I remember meeting another best guy friend in math class, and it’s comforting to know he’s still in my life. I remember meeting my first real boyfriend and falling in and out of love for the next 7 years of my life.

I remember some of the best girl friends I have ever had… and how I hardly speak to most of them. 

And now today, I can call myself a teacher… that very thing that I’ve thought of my entire life.

I guess I’m having a strange moment. I seem to have achieved everything I’ve set out to do, and well looking around on all of the people that have come in and out of my life is despairing. I know everything happens for a reason, and if they were meant to stay they would have. But some days I do feel alone. I hope that’s natural for most.

I know my life is far from over, yet sometimes I feel like my days are numbered (shorter, I mean). While I’ve gained a lot of confidence, it has come at a price. I can only hope that my future has wonderful things in store.

Pysch – I don’t think such art exists. In fact, I think the universe is incapable of providing the slightest relief to all us twenty year old somethings wanting to make a life for ourselves. And I want to kick the asshole that cursed us all.

People talk about the baby boomers a lot, how they are the ones responsible for no one getting jobs. And this is probably true; no use dwelling on the facts. But how do we change things? How can be persuade these people to retire and let the rest of the world in on the job market? 

I can finally call myself a teacher and all I really want to do is TEACH. But the universe is funny and doesn’t want to give me the slightest bit of comfort in knowing that something good will happen soon. Soon is the operative word here; neither here, nor there, but soon. 

I just want to be taken seriously. I want someone to take a chance on me. I want to practice the art that I love, that I don’t entirely suck at. I want to pax taxes and contribute to bettering this up and coming generation. I want to shape minds. I want to give detentions. I want to sit on prom committee. I want to put on plays. I want to watch my seniors graduate. I want to have my own desk with my own family photos and my own filing system. I want to have a #1 Teacher SOMETHING. I want to have my own room and decorate it with the silliest of things. I want to have a tea time corner for students who need something relaxing. I want to have my own door where students can enter and feel welcome. I want to start my career. I want to build a life. I want to have my own children. And someday… I want that florida home post-retirement.

The future seems so wonderful. And yet, here I am, stuck in the most daunting point of my life. And I really wish I knew the right way to get from point A to point B. Maybe one day I will figure it out. Maybe one day the universe won’t suck as much and let some of us bright and bushy tailed 20 somethings on our way to bigger and better things. Either way, all I have is time. I just don’t want it to run out.